FILTER

Twilight Swag That Will Make You Question Your Sad Existence Without Vampires or Werewolves

It is no secret that I like (love) The Twilight Saga. Yes, I've read all of the books and have had my tickets to New Moon for weeks (months), but listen, I'm not nearly as crazyface (AWESOME) as most of the Twihard community. Do you want to know what separates us, of course other than age, stalking tendencies, violent hysteria, and questionable tattoos? SWAG. SO, just in case you don't spend your free time googling "Edward Cullen cookie cutters" (not invented yet!), I've compiled some of the best Twi-swag actually available for purchase (mockery):

Life-size cut-outs for those not-creepy-at-all fantasies and photo opps, just $34.99 each! I would love to hide one in my bathroom any time friends visit.

Vamp roll-playing get a little out of hand? No problem. Hide war wounds with these babies for just $7.99 at Borders.


Help your boyfriend actually BECOME Edward (haha, like any of us have real life boyfriends) with an OFFICIAL Forks High Student I.D. and, um, the License to Bite that every vamp carries? Only $1 EACH!

 

Never get lost again trying to stalk the set! Keep a map of Forks on you ring for just $6.50.

And my absolute favorite, the Twilight Million Dollar Bill, which magically only costs $1. Just look at the details!! This is art. True art.

Bonus runners up: "I Drive Like A Cullen" bumper sticker & Team Jacob backpack (complete with wolf clawmarks).

P.S. If you're a fan of "the internet" I'm sure you've seen the ridiculous Twilight panties floating around, but here's the thing - THEY'RE NOT EVEN FOR SALE (um, not that I would buy them if they were...), so they didn't count for this list. Sorry to disappoint the creepsters out there.


Leave more fine examples in creativity in the comments! 

Inside "The Cleveland Show" Premiere

Last night, thanks to the lovely folks at the New York Television Festival, I had the privilege of attending the premiere of The Cleveland Show including a hilarious Q & A panel with its creative team. In case you've been in a coma for the past several months, The Cleveland Show is the Family Guy spin-off that follows Peter's friend, Cleveland Brown, after he leaves Quahog for his hometown Stoolbend, Virginia, and starts a new Brady Bunch-esque family with his high school love interest. Hi-jinks ensue.

The show itself featured fairly predictable humor that we've come to expect from Seth MacFarlane's crew, but it was largely a set-up for the season to come, so it will be interesting to see how the tone is set in completely stand-alone episodes without the Family Guy character crossovers. Come Sunday night, I'll let you be the judge of it because my favorite part of the evening was what I discovered during the panel with executive producers Richard Appel, Mike Henry (also the voice of Cleveland) and cast members Kevin Michael Richardson & Reagan Gomez-Preston. And no, I have no idea why MacFarlane was not present for the event.

WHAT I LEARNED...

• THE David Lynch will voice the bartender!
• Upcoming guest appearances include Kanye West, Ed Asner, Earth, Wind & Fire, AND Hall & Oates (!!).
• It takes approximately 9 1/2 months to make just one episode, so they've already finished the entire first season and started production on the second. Talk about keeping your fingers crossed.
• Seth MacFarlane will restrict his penchant for showtunes to Family Guy, but The Cleveland Show will incorporate (questionable) R&B musical numbers.
• Kevin Michael Richardson does a MEAN James Gandolfini impersonation.
• Before working on shows such as The Simpsons & King of the Hill, executive producer Richard Appel was a prosecuting attorney for the state of New York. He is also distractingly handsome & charming.  Sorry kids, no pictures allowed.
• And finally, New York Fashion Week may have ended, but the Cleveland 'stache is THE hot trend to watch, as demonstrated at the post-premiere reception...

ANYWAYS....FOCUS, YOU GUYS....

The Cleveland Show premieres this Sunday, September 27, at 8:30/7:30c on Fox.  Tune in, and let us know your thoughts.

2009 VMA's: Scenes of Fun & Douchebaggery

Let's be straight here. MTV isn't exactly what it used to be, but I'm still a sucker for events like last night's VMA's, especially when I'm promised an MJ tribute featuring Janet and performances from the likes of my favorite power couple (next to Ben & Zooey), Jay-Z & Beyonce.  Below you'll find just a few of my thoughts from the night - feel free to leave yours in the comments.

1. Lady Gaga - Can someone PLEASE explain to me her appeal?  And no, the "omg you guyZ, she's so edgy, didn't you see the fake blood??!!!!" reason will not fly.  Her nightmare-inducing face needs to not exist ASAP.

2. Michael Jackson Tribute - Very poignant, but did anyone else notice the "Smooth Criminal" invisible wire fail? One of these things is not like the other...

3. Oh, Kanye...The douchiness knows no bounds IN CAPITAL LETTERS Y'ALL. At least we got a sweet mash-up vid out of it already.

4. I'm calling it now. Buzz Aldrin should totally host next year. Sorry, Russell, his list-reading skills brought more lolz than your entire presence on stage this year.

5. And finally, you guys! "New Moon" is going to be AWESOME. I already have my midnight screening tickets for November. WHAT.

What'd you guys think of the night?  Leave your thoughts in the comments and check out some of the performances from the night after the jump.

Simon Cowell's Latest Discovery

With all the media hoopla surrounding the latest singing sensation Susan Boyle, the Scottish spinster who wowed Simon Cowell on Britain's Got Talent, you are probably wondering "What does FILTER think about all this?" Well gentle reader, here's a sneak peak at our next cover:

j/k folks! Happy Friday!

Facebook Application Wins & Fails

Here's the deal - I love Facebook. I love stalking out old high school acquaintances. I love seeing status updates that read "OMGLOST" every Thursday morning or offer priceless Jurassic Park quotes (okay, that's just me). I even love when much older family members express concern at family functions over my levels of sass, sarcasm and singledom after friending me.

With that said, I hate, hate, hate invitations to useless and annoying applications. No, I do not want to virtually throw a cupcake at you. No, I do not want to plant a flower in your virtual garden! And NO, I certainly do not feel the need to engage in virtual Duck, Duck, Goose! SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE, STOP IT.

I have had enough with these epic fails giving Facebook Applications a bad name. Here are my personal top 3 application wins that DID make the cut for my social networking elitist profile:

1. FILTER Magazine's Top 5 Songs of the Week. Helping good music prevail one profile at a time. Obviously.

2. LOLcats. I prefer cats illiterate and sassy.

3. Addicted to Arrested Development. Feeling down on your day? Get some pearls of wisdom from the Bluth clan. Buster and G.O.B. have me LOLing constantly.

Leave the most ridiculous Facebook App wins & fails you've encountered in the comments.

*This post is dedicated to the memory of Scrabulous. RIP.

See The Internet With Kanye Vision

 

Ever wonder how Kanye West sees the internet? No? Well thanks to this smart little bookmarklet that will add his trademark venetian blind sunglasses to your internet viewing experience, you can find out. You'll need to inflate your own ego unfortunately.

[via F.A.T.]

Think Before You Ink

As the resident Twilight fan in the office, I get sent a lot of crazy links - mostly involving my boo Robert Pattinson's photoshoots, but occasionally involving the folks known as Twi-hards.  Last night, I received a Twi-hard-rific link to an amazing photo gallery of Twilight-inspired tattoos thanks to BellaSugar.com, which sparked today's conversation and matching photo quest we're calling THINK BEFORE YOU INK.  Are these the worst tattoos to ever exist?

5. Possibly worthy of a free shirt.

4. Yes, that is Rachael Ray's face staring you down.

3. Seriously?  C'mon now.

2. The tot sends it over the edge.

1. I literally have no words for this magnificent creation.

Despite those examples, if you want to get a FILTER logo/cover tattoo, we might be able to hook you up with a subscription...

Leave some more awesomely awful tattoos in the comments.

Apple Announces New iPod Shuffle.

With uncharacteristically little fanfare, Apple today unleashed the latest iteration in their line of iPod Shuffles. As always, the size is smaller (1.8" tall x 0.3" thin), the gigs are larger (4GB up from 1GB) and the price is roughly the same at $79.

Perhaps in keeping with the current economical outlook, the device has become even more spartan, seemingly inspired by the monoliths from 2001, and available in every color as long as it’s silver or black. The main controls have been moved from the device itself and are now located in the earphone cable, so if you aren’t a fan of Apple’s earbuds, you are pretty much SOL.

The biggest innovation however is the “VoiceOver” feature, which allows the Shuffle will now “speak” your tracks, albums and playlists. Sounds cool, but does it make up for the lack of screen, and how will it cope with the complicated names of the indie bands we love so much? My Speak N’ Spell would never have been able to pronounce “Sufjan.”

More details of at Apple.com.

What do you think? Does the prospect of naming all your songs with swears and making the Shuffle speak them out loud make it worth the upgrade?

Stop Messing With Those Lights! Christian Bale Is Coming!

We all learned a valuable lesson this week. Never, ever adjust the lights while Christian Bale is filming a scene, because the man takes his roles very seriously. Even a Terminator movie directed by the mono-monkiered McG, the man who brought you Charlies Angels – Full Throttle. As Bale’s profanity-laden tirade was released, people were initially horrified, but fortunately, we have the intarwebs to dunk this man’s frustrated outburst into a giant vat of silly and come out with the following mash-ups. Of course, all clips are NSFW, unless you work as a Director Of Photography on an upcoming robot movie – this kind of language seems to be pretty acceptable there.

The Christian Bale Dance Remix:

Christian Bale Vs. Bill O’Reilly:

Make your own outburst with the Christian Bale soundboard!

And if you’ve decided that working with Christian is not for you, best pick up one of these shirts.

If there are any other great mash ups, link ‘em in the comments.

Weird Obama Merch

Now that the 44th President has taken his seat in the Oval Office, let’s take a look at some of the irreverent, inspired and just plain opportunistic merchandise Obama has inspired:

Obama Chia: Available in either “Determined” or “Happy” poses.

I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is more Obama Cowbell.

Why yes, this is an Obama Coffee Table, thanks for noticing!

Hope On A Rope. Change on a chain sold separately.

Any wacky tacky crap we missed? Post 'em in the comments.